A Sue to end All Sues
by PaDiYaFLAME
Summary: Punished for trolling sues, follow a not so normal girl and her best friend from our world into the Transformers verse as she becomes a Mary-Sue against her will. Not to be too taken seriously. Warning: Language. Heavy OOCness. Mary-Sues.
1. Chapter 1 Punishment of a Troll

**A.N. Please don't take this story too seriously, it's ment to make fun of and have fun with Mary-Sues. Warning contains course language. If for any reason you think this this needs a higher rating, please let me know! For future reference, you may have to turn off your logic in future chapters. I do not own transformers.**

_" Her name was Lady Fyre Stargaze. She has ice blue eyes that went red when she was angry but that rarely evr happened, unless she was Faced with Evil. A single scar went vertically down her left eye, but that just added to Fyre's awesomeness. The Lady's most beautiful feature was her very long, gorgeous, soft, shiny, pure black hair. She had a habit of making ALL the guys fall in lo-"_

"What the fuck is this shit?"

Staring blankly at the computer screen, I have to wonder; if I read any more of this shit, will I barf? Or will my brain just implode on itself.

"Um...it's f-fanfiction?" The voice of my best friend, Eddy responds hesitantly. I turned my head to look at her. Red messy hair hanging in a pony tail, loose strands littering her pale freckled face. She looked somewhat disturbed staring at the computer screen.

"Fanfiction my ass! This is crap on a stick." I firmly state.

"Hey, that's an insult to the stick!" Oh, how I love you Eddy. "And we haven't even gotten to the good part yet. She has yet to find out she's the lost second half-daughter of the god-"

Oh, god. She's doing this to torture me, I know she is.

"Shut up! I don't want to here any more, my brain will melt. How can someone be a half-daughter? That doesn't even make sense! And what's with the name? Who the hell names their kid Fyre?" Her parents or author or whatever must **hate** her.

"Ha! Like you should talk Miss-GAH!"

Fish are meant for eating and living in water. Though they can also be used to shut someone up by shoving one in they're mouth. However I find throwing a fish at an annoying someone's head is also an effective use. I also just so happened to have been eating fried fish at the time. Convenient, no?

"E-eww...Why can't you just tell me to shush, o-or throw a book, like a normal person?" Eddy whined, wiping the fish off her face.

"Because normal people are boring, uncreative, and don't know the true potential of fish. They also give me the creeps. Why do you think I hang out with you? Or vise-versa for that matter?" I retaliated.

"True, true. If you were normal, I would have ditched you long ago for a cactus." Eddie giggles.

"Why a cac...never mind, I don't wanna know. _Anyway _back to the crap-not-worth-being-on-a-stick. Why do people write this?" I waved my hand at the screen.

"'Cause they're sad and have no lives." she exclaims matter-of-factly.

"Pfft! No excuse!" Placing my hands casually behind my head, I glared at the offensive computer screen, half wishing it would catch fire. Only half because it's a library computer, and I don't have the money to pay for supernatural damage.

"So...ready to troll now?" And that's why we were reading this shit in the first place, to troll it. We tend to do this for fun; finding Mary-Sues and badly written fics just to tear them apart and burn the pieces...Ok, so I tolled and Eddie greatly critics and sometimes trolled, depending on her mood. If you ask me, we're doing the world a favor. There are TONS of these... _things_... out there and If **someone** didn't try to get rid of them, then we'd be over ran with crappy fics and fucked up Sues.

"Oh hell ya." Our current universe of target? Transformers. Eddie is a big... um... what did she call it? Transfan! She's a **huge** transfan. Me? I've seen the live action movies (witch kicked ass by the way. Fucking giant fighting robots for the win!) and I've heard a thing or two from Eddie, but that's it.

Have way into our (my) spam trolling (trololol...) we (I) started getting messages back, if the e-mail I got stating I have a reply to my comment on was anything to go by. So, we eagerly went to my inbox. Two messages. There was a rather sad/pathetic/crybaby/fucking _long_ response from the author. In witched I just laughed. Before I went to respond however, the other message popped up...automatically...must be another stupid update I wasn't aware of.

This message was anonymous and simple:

_So you like trolling Mary-sue's, do you?_

Funny, I could just picture perfectly what this person's voice was like. Weird, I know.

"Well that's a strange comment..." Eddie pointed out the obvious in confused tone.

"Pfft! Probably just another troll hunter. They need to learn to _not feed the trolls!_ We are on a strict diet." Though this one seems a little odd...

A few lines down I then saw (witch I somehow didn't notice before): _Do you think it's _easy_ being a Mary-sue?_

I could almost hear this person now.

"Ok...weirdo much? Easy being a Mary-sue... who the fuck cares? I'm sure it's _real_ hard being a sue." Rolling my eyes I leaned back. "What do you think, Eddie?"

"I don't know, seems weird." The redhead just shrugs, how helpful.

"Welp, weirdo's getting trolled too. If people decide to feed me I'll gladly take it and- ...What the hell? That was _not_ there before!" A few lines down was: _How would _you_ like it if _you_ were a Sue._

Ok, freaky. Why the sudden bad feeling? It's just some random person with a computer.

"L-let's just delete the message! This is creeping me out a bit..." Eddie seemed a little disturbed by this as well. So without another word, I deleted the message.

...

"This is stupid! We're totally over reacting." I shouted, then got 'shushed' by a grouchy librarian. Que eye rolling now. "We're acting like it's some fricken' horror movie. Ha!" I turned to face Eddie.

"Y-you're right! Totally over reacting hahaha..." Eddie laughed nervously before breaking into real giggles with me. We were being stupid and we knew it. We laughed and giggled for a few good minutes, until Eddie froze and visibly paled into a whole new shade of white.

"Eddie? What's wrong? Ya look like you've seen a ghost, haha..." Don't point to the computer, don't pont-and she fucking points to the computer. Shit.

Slowly turning around to face the computer, I stared wide-eyed in shock.

_What's so funny?_

This time I _swear_ I heard it. "The hell is going on?" I jumped out of my chair, half expecting the computer to bite me. I'm now getting a _really_ bad feeling about this.

_I asked you a question._

"Y-you heard that right? Please tell me you heard that!" Eddie sounded near hystarics. It usually took a lot more to scare or even spook us, but this..._thing_ was really starting to creep us out. I nodded to Eddie.

"This has to be some kind of prank! The guy is probably in hear with us Eddie, start looking!" Probably my jerk of an ex-boyfriend. Asshole.

Turning to find the unlucky bastard that was trying to mess with us, I was shocked still. Everyone, _everyone,_ besides me and Eddie, were frozen. Petrified. As in the librarian was halfway into the 'shush' pose facing us. Some random guy was in the middle of a bite of a hotdog outside the window and another chick was looked like she had tripped and was falling, but **none** of them were moving! Nobody moved. Even all the computers were frozen.

"Wh-what's going on? Who's d-doing this?" Eddie stammered, she was absolutely terrified.

_I think it's time you learned a lesson._

Spinning around to face the computer I found the screen had gone completely blue with nothing but that message in the center. Ya...bad feeling in overdrive now. Am I dreaming? I don't feel like I am... I didn't realize I voiced that out loud until I felt something hit the back of my head.

"Ow!"

"Nope, not dreaming." Eddie says helpfully.

"Bitch, how is that a reason to hit me with a book?" I growled, rubbing the back of my head.

"Revenge for the fish." Bitch.

_I'm going to send you into the world of Transformers._ Voice lady-I decided it sounds like a chick- continued. The screen started flashing by hundreds of pictures involving giant robots. If the situation were different, this would be bloody cool. _Where you'll be transformed into the very thing you despise so much. A Mary-Sue._

"What? No fair! She's not even a transfan how come she gets to go? That's like, my greatest fandom fantasy dream." Eddie was actually pouting.

I gave Eddie my best 'are you kidding me?' look. "Really Eddie? _Really_? Some creepy voice thing is threatening to take me to some other world and transform me into a _freaking Mary-Sue_ and you're complaining about not being able to come along?" Would it be weird to say that I wasn't really surprised by her answer, or that I expected it actually?

"Yes." Facepalm.

_Given time, you will join her. For now you'll just have to wait and keep an eye on her, for I highly doubt she'll get very far without some outside help._

"Hey, I resent that! I'll fucking pwn, help or no help-what the hell am I saying? **I'm not going!**" Like that's even possible.

_Moving on, you'll be sent to the world of Transformers in the movie-verse. Sometime between the 2nd and 3rd should do. You'll find in some cases, that world is much like your own._

"Are you fucking ignoring me? Don't ignore **me** bitch!"

_An as far as you're Mary-Sue qualities go...Haha, well, let's just start with the first transformer to make eye-to-optic contact with you will _fall in love_ with you. So I'd be careful about what vehicles I look at if I were you. Mwahaha._

It laughed at me. It fucking laughed at me. Time to punch in the screen.

"Now wait a second, I don't think you're listening. I am **not** going and I'm certainly as _hell_ not going to be a Mary-Su-uuuuuuuuuuue..." Pretty colours. Swirling. Being sucked down tiny tube. Twisting. Falling. Fast. Turning. I'm going to be sick!

* * *

Edna Brooks stared at the spot where her best friend had just been after a colourful vortex thing came out of the demon computer and sucked in her best friend. When everyone around her started moving again she took a seat in front of the library-grade demon thing. What she saw was that 'Word perfect' had been brought up.

Not knowing what else to do in her current state of shock, cautiously she typed 'what just happened?' She was not surprised to find a response seemingly out of nowhere just below.

_Your friend has just been made into a fanfiction inside the Transformers movie-verse. You will be able to read what happens and help (or make things worse) through here until you join her. For now, just have fun._

Unsure of what to do or if she could even do anything about it, the red-head just 'went with it', as they say, like her and her best friend had always done when faced with something weird, unatural, or problematic and uncontrolable happens. Like when that old chicken at the back of the fridge attacked them. 'Ok.' She shrugged then typed. 'So when do I get to go?'

_In time child, in time. It shouldn't be long._

'Sweet.'

* * *

Ugh. I'm going to be sick... Where am I? The library. Ok. Where's Eddie?

**I'm here.**

"What the fuck?" I jumped in my seat and looked around. Eddie wasn't there, just the librarian shushing me. Bitch, can't she see I'm freaking out here?

**I'm still in our world, talking to you through word perfect. You're a fanfiction now in the Transformers world! This is soo cool!**

"Not cool Eddie, not cool!" I shouted at the voice of me best friend in my head, not ccaring at this particulare moment how crazy I looked. "I don't want to be here!"

"Miss I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You are disrupting the others." The librarian approached me with a stern look. Was I just getting kicked out of the library?

"But I-" Yes I was. "I'm going, I'm going." I stomped out of the library and onto the streets of the busy city, mumbling to myself until something caught my eye.

'Iron Giants Tear Up Pyramids. Any relation to the ones from Mission City?' It was a tabloid paper on the ground with a very crappy picture of two robots fighting. '_Not robots,'_ I thought. _'Transformers.'_

I'm actually in the world of Transformers. That bitch actually did it, **is** actually trying to turn me into a Mary-Sue...

What now?


	2. Chapter 2 Not Gonna Happen

**A.N. Wow, I can't believe how much feedback I'm getting already! This makes me so happy! I hope I can continue to make this interesting for you! Please enjoy!**

_'What now?'_

I asked myself this as I stared in shock at the worn-out tabloid featuring giant robots on the ground, frozen in place. An hour ago I was throwing fish at my best friend, everything was completely normal. Now I'm in the world of Transformers-you know, those giant, warring, alien robots?-so that some weird _voice thing_ can try to turn me into a Mary-Sue.

"Fat chance." I growled. If that bitch wants to play around with me, no way in hell I'm letting her win! I will **not** be a freakin' Mary-Sue! I don't care how crazy I'm going to be thinking this is real but I will **not** be beat!

**That's my girl! No one messes with you and gets away with it! Except, maybe, your ex...**

"GAH! Damn it Eddie! I forgot you were there." No, I did not jump. I just stomped both of my feet at the same time in frustration. That's all.

**You so totally jumped! And how could you forget **I'm** here? I'm the new voice inside your head. Ha! Never thought I'd get to say that. That's so cool.**

"Not cool, Eddie." How long will it take for her to get that? This isn't cool. This is insane and a big pain in my ass! "And I did **not** jump!" I didn't. **I** do _not_ jump.

**Did too.**

"Did not."

**Did **_**too**_**. Look now, you're making a scene! If you're gonna argue with the voice in your head, do it silently.**

She was right, people were giving me strange looks. "What're _you_ staring at, shorty?" I growled at one kid that dared to stare at me for longer than a second. Deciding that sticking around would just cause more problems then I'd care for, I started stomping off along the sidewalk of the busy street. How was I supposed to talk to Eddie without looking like a freak show?

**I can read your thoughts just fine.**

Say what now?

**You're in a fanfic now, remember? I can read everything that's happening through word perfect.**

Everything? "Shit." Don't think of something embarrassing. **Don't** think of something embarrassing. Middle school graduation. Fuck.

**Pfft! BWAHAHAHAHA! You really looked like that? No wonder you burned all your old photos.**

I groaned. Out of all the things to pop into my head, it had to be _that_ picture. Now I have the voice of my best friend laughing at my inside my head. "Are you done yet?" I hissed, not really giving two craps about who hears me. "Or do wish to continue laughing at me while I try to figure out how to deal with this current pain-in-my-ass situation on my own?" Trying to get back onto topic here.

**Ok, sorry. So how do you plan on not becoming a Sue? I'm sure if Voice Lady can send you to another world through a **_**computer**_**, then she can probably do whatever she wants.**

Ok, true. But like hell am I just gonna roll over and take it. This is a fight between me and her. I will **not **lose! I just have to think. What did the bitch say? Yes, that will be her name until i find a new one. Something about my Mary-Sue qualities?

**Weren't you listening?**

"Um..." Hehe, I guess I was too infuriated by the fact that the bitch was laughing at me and ignoring me that I ignored her. Oops, my bad.

**Honestly? Most people would be listening to the creepy voice thing that made everyone around them frozen.**

"Hey, I thought we already discussed my abnormality today. Just tell me what the bitch said!" I growled out loud. I don't have time for this! Or do I? What else do I have to do. I don't know!

**She said that the first Transformer to make eye to optic -that's their eyes by the way- contact will **_**fall in love with you**_**.**

Fall in love with me? Dear god, it's Twilight all over again. "What the hell kinda love story is that?" I demanded repulsively, again not caring who hears me.

**The Mary-Sue kind, now focus girl!**

"Hey, no probs Eddie. All I have to do is, if I see a giant robot, avoid looking them in the eye thingies. Easy."

_**Optics**_**. They have vehicular modes! Or did you forget why they're called 'Transformers'? I'm pretty sure this love spell thing includes their vehicle equivalent! Geeze, I can't believe **you** to be in the Transformers world of all people. So not fair...**

Rolling my eyes at that. I highly doubt at this point Eddie will think of this situation as the bad thing it is. "So, Little Miss Fangirl, what are their vehicle modes? I'm pretty sure you've had them memorized by now."

**I have all the ones from the first and second movie memorized yes, but we never saw the third movie. There was supposed to be a lot of Decepticons this time, they could be anything!**

Anything? "Again, no problems Edds. All I have to do is not look at any vehicle directly." 'Cause I guaranty that bitch has it set that the moment I lay eyes on a Transformer, they'll just so happen to look my way. "Simple enough."

**Um...You sure about that?**

"Absolutely." Is what I started to say. About half way through a car horn blared to remind me that I was standing at a busy street in the middle of **Toronto!** "Well, crap."

* * *

Edna groaned placing her hands over the back of her head as she face-planted into the table. She had discovered that she could talk to her friend by typing in quotations before and after she types a sentence. The girl had hoped she could guide her friend this way but it was proving a more difficult than she thought. Her best friend wasn't exactly well known for her intelligence, that's for sure. She'd probably crack a blond joke right about now but this week her friend's short boyish hair was dark purple. She was blond last week. Besides, she's a natural brunette. Or was it black? It was hard to keep track with the constant dyeing of her hair.

Anyways, her friend wasn't doing to well and was letting her temper distract her. By the way she was going, she'd either run into a transformer or get run over by the time she made it home.

'Well, my best friend was never well known for her brains anyway. Why would today be any different.' Edna thought, looking back up at the screen. "Hello, what is this?" There was some new writing on it.

* * *

_CFB Borden-Canada_

_15:52_

Major William Lennox had just stepped into the hanger of their temporary N.E.S.T. base when he was approached about a possible Decepticon. They had came all this way on reports of Decepticon sightings, figures that they'd hide in Canada, and they think they've just found one. Close, too. Too close to civilization for comfort.

"Are you sure that it's a Decepticon this time?" The Major asks. He did **not** want another incident like they had last month; a report on a helicopter that supposedly went missing six months ago had been spotted flying over a large forest area. Given how familiar the scenario appeared, it seemed like a Decepticon for sure. Turns out, it carried survivors of a crash in the wilderness and it just happened to have taken them six months to get it working again and return to civilization. Good news was, the found some amazing and cunning survivors of a helicopter crash. Bad news was, they had brought the wrong type of crew to get them to safety. That's a few more people exposed to the Autobots and sworn to secrecy. On the bright side, some of them may qualify for the N.E.S.T. team after they've had some much needed R and R. This did not help the whole 'blame the Fallen's attack and TV broadcast on terrorists and pranksters' thing, though.

"Sir, it's Canada. How often do you get reports on unidentified F-22 Raptor flying near city limits?" The soldier says matter-of-factly.

"Good point. All right guys, we've got a positive on Starscream's location! He's moving quick but we should be able to intercept him near Toronto. Let's try not to blow up a building this time and keep him **away** from the city!" For once, could they pull this off without an accident that ends up on the front page? Please? A low rumble escaped the black GMC Topkick that was parked beside him.

"That coward will fly straight for the city when he spots us." Ironhide. This giant trigger-happy mech had been a great friend to Will since the battle at Mission City.

"Then we must do everything in our power to keep him from harming any Human civilians." This loud regal voice came from the custom Peterbilt Semi in the middle of the hanger. A.K.A., Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. "Sideswipe and Mirage are in southern Toronto as we speak following up on the reported sightings of the Decepticons. If and when Starscream tries to use the city to his advantage, they will be there to head him off. Autobots, roll out!"

Edna quickly looked at her watch. 4:35. 15:52 would have been 3:52 pm. Making use of Google Maps, the redhead quickly figured out how far away CFB Borden would be from the library. 'Aw man, they will reach Toronto any second if they haven't already. I highly doubt they're sticking to the speed limits.' The redhead started to panic. 'I've gotta warn her!' She shouted inside her head.

* * *

"I don't know _what_ we're so worried about Eddie." I proclaimed as I came upon this realization. "This is _Canada_! What are the odds of running into any Transformers _here_? They're always in the states! When do you ever see that kind of action here?" Why didn't I think of this before?

**Um...about that...**

She sounds nervous. Not good. They're here, aren't they?

**Yes. I just read about it now.**

"How many?" I let out a barely audible whimper. This sucks.

**Um...a lot. Some should are definitely in the city with you. There are both Autobots and Decepticons, if the reports are true.**

Great. Figures that bitch would have the lot of them _here_ as soon as I entered the streets. Ok, relax. All I have to do is avoid looking at vehicles and get home, if I still have a home, that is. So, just keep looking down. Look down and keep walking and-car! Turn your head! This isn't working! Stupid ground hugging cars! Maybe if I wear my sunglasses, that way if I see them, they can't see my eyes. My sunglasses are dark enough. Reaching for them where they usually hang around the collar of my shirt-and I left them on the table in the library. Of course. My wallet's at home too, so I can't buy any either. Fuck.

**Maybe you should take out your contacts.**

What? Why? And where did that come from.

**The N.E.S.T. team will be there too. They've been trained to shoot at red eyes and they might mistake you for a 'Con.**

Is that a joke? It has to be. I'm pretty sure they won't confuse me for a Trans-freaking-former. The flesh kinda rules that out. Besides, my red contacts suits my mood pretty well right now compared to my others.

**Suit yourself.**

"I'll be fine Eddie. I'll just...look up. Ya, that'll do. I'll just keep my head pointed up in the sky, that way I'll be safe from any car/bot guys." This plan should do. I'm almost out of the business part of the city any way, I'll be home in no time-ow. Running into trash cans, smart.

**That's probably not a good idea.**

"Relax, Eddie. I can do this." I said confidently, looking up at the sky. Then suddenly I see a fighter jet flying in my direct line of sight and over my head. Think, who was it that transformed into a jet? It was that moronic, groveling coward Star-something. The one that looked like a Dorito with chicken legs. I hated that guy.

**Starscream.**

Right, Starscream. Gulp. N-no probs, that could just be a regular human-made jet. Flying dangerously close to city levels. In Canada. Craaaaap! It's ok though. What are the odds he saw me? I'm getting a _really _bad feeling.

"Do you think he saw me, Edds?" I manage to get passed the lump in my throat.

**Um...**

The sounds of a jet turning around, the trademark sound of shifting gears and plating, the sound of something landing on a nearby tower behind me and the sounds of people screaming were my answer.

"Shit!"

_Now things finally begin!_


	3. Chapter 3 Que Benny Hill

_**A.N. I am sooo sorry for the late updates. My family and I just moved halfway across the province and I haven't had the internet to post anything. Please don't be mad at me. Thanks so much for all your reviews though! I hope this continues to be entertaining for you! A warning for the future; Starscream will become OOC do to exposer to Sueness. (And yes, a part of me dies each time I have to right something like that, but it's kinda fun.) I did warn you not to take this too seriously. Also, sorry for the suckage of the fight/chase scenes. Now, on with the show!**_

_**Disclaimer: I own my Mary-Sues, nothing else.**_

* * *

_-Ahem- Our story begins with our hero walking along the streets of Toronto. Little did she know that she was about to have a fateful encounter for Starscream, SIC of the Decepticon army, was heading her way. Flying through the tall towers of Toronto, Starscream himself was using the city to __shield him-no- __hide him-scratch that-__ tactically elude the Autobots pursuing him. Had our purple haired hero known she was about to-_

"Hey, hey, hey, **hey**! I thought this story was in _first person_! What's with the intro?"

_Well, yes it is. Aside from when we check in with Ed-_

"Wait a sec, I thought I was through with you after you sucked me into the computer, why are you still in my head?"

_You think a lot of things. I _am_ the narrator/author of your fanfiction after all. You're stuck with me. Plus, I figured you and the audience would need an explanation of what's happening._

Audience? Author? "Bitch, get me out of this world. I will not be some play-thing for you and your ' audience's ' enjoyment!" I yelled as I ran as fast as I could through the streets of Toronto. There was the slightest chance that I did not make eye contact with the Dorito of Doom and I was **not** sticking around to find out when the Autobots showed. If I didn't and I watched the up coming showdown, the chances of me making contact with another bot was high and if I did, then staying was still **not** an option, who knows what Starscream will do. Either way, shit was about to go down, and I didn't want to be here to see it. Even if a live giant-robot-smack-down sounded cool.

_I'm afraid that that's not going to happen, my dear Mary-Sue. You are stuck here because you are a troll that needs to be taught a lesson._

"Lesson? Bitch, I am **not** your _Mary-Sue_, and-Whoa! Waaaaaaaaah! Why is Starscream shooting at _me_?" Hey, you know that big scorching hole in the ground on my right? Yeah, that used to be the part of the street I was standing on before it was shot by a plasma gun-thingy being held by a giant chicken-legged mechanical Dorito! That shot was unmistakably meant for me! That asshole shot at me!

_Hmm. You might have known that had you let me finish my narration instead of cutting me off._

Twitch. She practically _sang_ that. Having someone _talking_ in your head was bad enough but now she's _mocking_ me. If I ever find her, she's sooo dead. "Just tell me what's going on!" I started to run as I yelled.

_Fine. _Sigh._ Now where was I? Oh yes! Starscream was flying through the towers of Toronto while observing the earth squishies among the streets below. He had no idea why the Autobots favoured these creatures so much. The were completely worthless and weak. The only thing they were good for was using them as a shield against the Autobots. Swerving around another primitive tower, he happened to catch sight of a peculiar fleshling. The hair on top of the fleshy's cranial unit was a dark purplish colour, something he knew to be unnatural for humans, just like this one's optics which were-red! Red optics! Why would a human have red optics-er-eyes? Is it mock-_

"Do I look like I have time for this?" I shouted while avoiding another shot. "Just tell me why he is fucking shooting at _me_!"

_Language, language. Why are you so foul mouthed?_

Twitch. Twitch. "Why. Is. He. Shooting. At. Me." Dodged the one that went right over my head.

_Duh, he's trying to kill you._

"I get that but why? He's supposed to be in" shudder "_love_ with me. Tell me why! The short version!" I screamed in frustration. I've had enough of this bitch!

_Very well. Basically Starscream has no idea why he feels drawn to you. So right now, in his confusion, he thinks it's the urge to kill you specifically._

"What?" The urge to kill me? Why? That doesn't make sense!

_Starscream is confused. Being so drawn to a human? How could it be anything other than disgust. Or so he thought. He soon discovers that it's not disgust he feels, but love._

Barf. Crappy fic alert! Crappy fic alert! OOCness approaches!

_How could have he been so wrong as to attack his beloved maiden. Decepticons are supposed to hate humans, and Starscream does with a passion. But he soon realizes that he could never harm this precious goddess._

"Oh, good." I stop and catch my breath. He won't harm me, that's at least good. Though I think a part of my brain died from hearing that last bit...

_Not yet, you idiot! He's still at the thinking it's disgust/urge to kill you stage! He won't realize anything until later, that is, unless he kills you first!_

"Oh. _Oh_! Oh, Shit!" So I guess just standing here isn't that good of an idea.

_Run you moron, run!_

* * *

Edna was snickering and giggling by the computer, trying to prevent herself from going into a full on laughing fit. Starscream. Out of all the 'bots and 'cons her friend could have been stuck with, she ended up making optic to eye contact with Starscream. "Pffft. Starscream of all mechs. Really girl? Starscream-Ha!" Her efforts were in vain as she succumbed to a laughing fit.

Starscream had to be one of, if not the absolute **worst** mechs for her best friend out there. He possesses almost all of the characteristics she hates; cowardice, moronic tendencies, chicken legs, and several others. Edna doesn't mind him to much-as a Transfangirl there's a certain place in her heart for seekers, but her purple haired BFF would absolutely hate him. Her first comment to seeing him in the movie was "Who's the moron? He looks like a Dorito." and everything after that included the words Dorito, coward, moron or any other variation. It was just too much to handle.

A gentle tap on Edna's shoulder brought her back to the reality of her own world. "Excuse me Miss, but could you keep it down?" The librarian asked in a gentle, tired voice.

"Oh-yes, sorry." Edna pushed pass her giggles after calming some and seemed rather embarrassed about it. The librarian merely smiled and walked away. Edna took a deep breath and calmed her self down.

'Ok Edna! Sitting here laughing about it won't help your favourite fish-thrower survive. Think, think, what can I do?' She tried to self coach, watching her friend as Starscream got closer and closer. "Uh, um...ah...er, um..." The redhead was panicking. Curse her inability to think under pressure. In her panicked desire to do something to help she typed in the next words before the thought even finished going through her head. 'Starscream pulled a Ratchet and ran into telephone lines.' She was rather pleased with herself when she got a response.

_**"Ha! That moron just ran into some telephone line! He's all shorted out! Now to make a get away."**_

It worked. Sweet. Now, how far could she use this?

* * *

I sat crouched with my back to an old dumpster in a rather small alleyway between two buildings, catching my breath while trying to be as silent as possible. Near impossible to see me from the streets or the air, not to mention it was too small for a certain giant fucking Dorito to get through, all in all, this place seemed a pretty good spot to hide in for now. I had managed to slip pass the crowd and into the alley while that moron was still all glitchy and tingly from the shock of the telephone lines. I don't know how ya did it, because it had to have been you, but thank you Eddie.

**You're welcome.**

I laughed one small dry huff. "So much for not needing help, eh?" I huffed again near silently, knowing that Eddie could very well hear my thoughts (or read, whatever). Well, I'm sure I could have managed on my own, but the help is appreciated. Some kind of world, huh Eddie?

**Some kind of world.**

Few. I wonder when those Autobots will get their asses over here.

**Afts.**

Huh?

**The more proper term would be afts. They can use it as a curse word the same way you use the A word.**

They have curse words too? You'll have to teach me sometime Eddie.

**I'd rather not.**

Of course not, Miss Goodie Two-shoes. Ok, so how long until they get their _afts_ over here? As much as I hate hiding like this, I'd rather not take on Starscream by myself. I'm good, but fighting off a giant robot may be a _little_ hard for me.

**A little?**

Just a bit. I may get scratched up though.

**Haha. Just hold tight, I'm sure they'll be there soon.**

"Oh little human~." I flinched at the raspy voice. He was closer than I thought, in fact he was probably a few meters away from my alley. Did he know I was here? "Come out and play." I nearly shrieked as the top of the buildings were swept away, the shock preventing any noise from coming out of my mouth. Guess that answers my question, again. You know, a simple yes or no instead of mass destruction would be just fine, but no, instead I get buildings crumbling all around me! No time to bitch about it, time to run!

I stuck to navigating through the alleyways. They have no people that would get killed in the crossfire and tend to slow him down long enough for me to slip into the next and continue running. I'd run through one alleyway and by the time he had destroyed it enough to get through, I was in another. I had to keep this up long enough to escape. I thought I might actually lose him, too. He was far enough that if I hid behind that building up ahead, I might actually elude the moron. If not, then I would just sneak pass him as he destroyed the building. Almost there, a little more, around this corner and- it's a childcare center. And there are still kids inside. Of course. Like I can hide there now. Crap, Starscream was catching up while I just stood there! If he gets too close, he might hurt the kids. Dammit, what do I do, what do I...Gulp. I was going to regret this, I knew it.

Turning a full 180 I waited for him to show then ran straight for in between his legs. It always seems to work in the movies so might as well try. Guess what? It actually worked. "What's wrong you over grown mechanical chicken?" I answered his frustrated shriek at falling for the run-under-the-legs child's trick. "Can't catch one puny fleshy?" I think that's what they called us in fanfictions. Not sure, I only really paid attention to trollable stuff (trololol). Like when a character suddenly goes-why was I thinking about that _now_?

"Don't mock _me_ human!" He shouted back after me, turning away from the child center. At least the kids are safe now, even if I have a fucking pissed off Dorito on my tail and no more intact alleyways to run through. Shit. That leaves me to run a straight path on a main street, meaning 'Scream is going to catch me and fast. Wait, what's that sound? Sirens? Engines? They sound pretty powerful. Do I dare look back?

**It's the Autobots and N.E.S.T.!**

Finally! But will they make it in time? Starscream was closing in. In fact, he was about 100 meters behind me, it'll take him only mere _seconds_ to grab me with his size. I guess he thought it would be easier to just grab me instead of shoot me, or he would have done that by now. Asshole.

Just when he had made a grab for me with his creepy claw things, a streak of red appeared out of fucking nowhere and ran right at the 'Con behind me. I litterally mean out of nowhere. There was **nothing** anywhere then it suddenly goes by! Not fast enough that I wouldn't have seen it coming, either. It came out of **fucking **_**nowhere**_. A quick glance behind showed a red Autobot had showed up for a fight. I think it was safe to assume it was an Autobot by the fact that it punched Starscream in the face. Still, it-he it looks like a he- was _red_! How did I not see him? I could not get over that! But, again, would stick around to watch but my guts said that staying put wouldn't be the brightest idea since the lightbulb, as much as getting stepped on or shot at appeals to my greater life goals. Best to hide while Asshole's distracted, but where? In the Pizza Hut? Nope, that place was just blown to bits by a shot that was probably meant for me. 'Guess he resorted to using his gun after all. Shit. Looking for new hiding places now.

I ran around the corner of the intersection just ahead of the fight and behold my new hiding place; a manhole! How come no one ever thinks of using these in the movies? It's under ground, so it's safe from sight and attacks from above. I lifted the cover (god that's heavy!) and climbed inside. The sewer must have been flooded or something because the water was only about seven feet from the hole. Enough to let me in without touching it but eww that's nasty. It smells too, but it'll do. I slid the cover over and then lift it enough to see outside. The idea of watching the fight had become to tempting. Giant fighting alien robots, too frickin' cool. That red guy was quite agile, it seemed, and had these wicked cool blades coming out of his forearms. But his range was limited, as Starscream was clearly taking advantage of.

"If only-" I was cut off by a ground shaking blast nearly knocked me off the ladder. I was about to say 'if only that cannon guy was here.' and well, speak of the kick-ass devil. The bastard just showed up with a bunch of military dudes. What was his name again? Ironride?

**Iron**_**hide**_**!**

Right, Ironhide! How could I forget _him_? Those cannons of his were frickin' awesome! But I thought he lost them in Egypt during the air strike... At least one must have been ok if he was currently blasting Starscream's ass-aft off with it. Am I taking _too_ much pleasure in watching this? And cool! Another one just came in, the silver guy with the swords.

**Sideswipe! Geeze, women.**

Sideswipe, right. This is so much cooler in person. 'Scream doesn't stand a chance! Hey, if I'm lucky, they'll kill him and I'll be rid of the whole love thing.

Of course my luck wasn't on my side (like it ever was) as Starscream counted his loses when Optimus Prime (Eddie would murder me if I forgot _his_ name) showed up and took off into the sky, but not before shouting out "This isn't over insect!" and flew over my manhole, shooting. Shit.

I dropped the cover and braced myself, hearing the shoots hit above me. How he knew I was there, I don't know. How he missed me was another mystery but one that I don't care to solve. New problem though I couldn't get out; the shots had somehow melted the cover to the ground in some spots and wouldn't budge. The sewer smell is getting to me too. This sucks! I could hear the soldiers above me now. They must have figured I was down here if Starscream was shooting and screaming at a manhole. I counted my blessings when the thing was ripped out and strong arms reached in to grab me. I graciously accepted their help in getting me out of there and back onto the surface, which brought me to realize another problem; there were going to be questions. A lot of questions. Questions that would be hard to answer without lying (I really suck at that), the main one being 'why was Starscream trying to kill you' or something like that. Questions I didn't get to answer because guess who came back to blast us all away? Yep, that fucktard pulled a 180 and ended up sending me flying back from a minor Bay-style explosion. I landed on my back a few feet away and onto the concrete. Ow, I was going to feel that in the morning. Struggling to get up, I took in the view of the battle. That asshole had brought reinforcements. How'd he get them so fast? Could this day get any worse?

_Why yes, it could._

BOOM!

"Bitch!"


	4. Chapter 4 Fear my Tuna!

_**AN: Again, so sorry for the late updates! Turns out, moving around 500km (over 300m) is hard. It doesn't help when **_**someone**_** gets the whole house of 5 sick. Try to edit and/or write when you have a fever. I'll be doing a few edits on the other chapters to fix mistakes caught by my little Troll Sue, who needs to log on so I can hug them! I need more trolls in my life that I'm not torturing with the power of an author... I should also get a Beta, except I have no idea how that works...help? Also, sorry if these chapters seem a little boring. I'm trying to get most of the base and logical stuff out of the way before I start adding total nonsense. Hey, if you pay really close attention to this chapter, you'll spot new Sue powers! (Not that hard to find, really. Hint: Eddie.) On with the show~!**_

* * *

_Could this day get any worse?_

Why yes, it could.

_BOOM!_

_"Bitch!"_

Who ever had the brilliant idea of putting so much explosions in this series, I used to love you, now I hope you burn in hell! Because thanks to you and that bitch of an author, I was just sent flying _10 feet in the frickin' air_! Fuck you! And you know what else? Landing in a fruit stand, despite it being filled with soft peaches, hurts like a mofo! And it's sticky, too! So I hope you have as great a day as I'm having, fuckers! You hell spawned demon c-

* * *

Gasping with both hands covering her mouth, Edna watch, er, read as her friend cursed violently while climbing out of a now smashed fruit stand. She was covered in cuts, burns, bruises, and peach juice. This did not look good. Not good at all. Unable to think of something else to do, Edna quickly typed in '_Despite all her wounds, our hero's adrenaline prevented her from feeling her them._'

'That should, at the least, help a bit.' she thought. 'But what if...' After some quick thinking, the redhead then typed '_Her stunning immune system also prevented any infections._' at the end. "I may not be the best writer," she mumbled "but at least I can still help!" Edna declared triumphantly.

Now what to do next? She had managed to trip Starscream before, but the idea of attacking the characters of her precious fandom did not sit well with her and made her rather nervous, plus, she was a bit of a pacifist to a degree. She loved watching the fights, a lot, but couldn't harm a fly. So she had decided before while her like-a-sister was being chased that she would help her escape in a more indirect way, like leading the Autobots to Starscream while hoping that they'd fend him off. But how could she help in this situation? "Aww, why is this so hard?" Edna whined, entangling her hands in her messy red hair. Such a situation was too much for our naive little helper.

* * *

The adrenaline must have kicked in or something because I was finding it fairly easy to ignore my wounds and make a break for it. If everyone was distracted with fighting one another like children, then I could get away and I wouldn't have to answer any questions, woohoo! Also, I didn't exactly want to be there when the owner of stand came by...No time to dwell on that though, I had to be out of sight before the soldiers picked themselves up from the explosion and saw what I was up to. Which, if I'm lucky-no. I am not finishing that. Lord knows I am **not** lucky. Not gonna jinx it, best to just run. And run I did. Turns out, adrenaline is awesome! I felt like I could run all the way to the U.S.A. and back!

"Protect the civilian!" A somewhat familiar voice ordered. I'm not sure who though, not like I could remember everyone's voices from a movie anyway. Oh well, don't plan on learning them. I was pretty sure that was code for 'catch that strange girl and make sure she doesn't get away! We need her for questioning.' if the soldiers coming towards me were any clue. Haha! Good luck catching me boys, 'cause I ain't stopping for nobody! Woo~!

I continued to run through the battle, ducking or running around soldiers. They all seemed to be going in slow motion! Even the missile that was about to hit the ground up ahead was going in slow motion, well, slow for a missile. Still, it was easy enough to just avoid the impact zone and continue running. This was actually pretty fun! "Wee~!" Yep, that left some dumbfounded faces as I ran passed the soldiers and-whoops! Almost forgot to look ahead and just about got stepped on by to bots duking it out (cool!). That was close! Hey, can a person get high off adrenaline? Don't care, this is just too cool! Oh yah, note to self; think of a better adjective then cool... "Wee~!"

I ran away from the battle and started sticking to alleyways again, only this time, I had no one following me. Or at least, no one from the battle. I looked behind to make sure no one was following me and then slowed to a walking pace. Adrenaline or not, that was a fucking _long_ run. Huff.

"Ha!" I laughed. Try to catch _me_, did they? I turned around to continue going home to find I was not alone in this alley. Two smirking, smelly, and tough looking young men in street wear were approaching me. The had that kind of look in their eyes that made just me sick. I turned around to go back only to find three more guys had appeared. Great. Where's the dramatic theme music?

"Well, would you look at this." One of the first two said. The one on the right. "I think this little lady here might be lost." They all laughed. I knew where this was going now and quite frankly? I was pissed! Like fuck was going to play 'damsel in distress' for that bloody author. That bitch is trying to make me look all helpless when some _Transformer in shining armor_ comes and saves the day. Like hell am _I_ ever going to be helpless!

"Listen here you little punk." I barked, glaring at the one who spoke. "I've had one _hell_ of a day and am **not** in the mood to deal with you. So if you could all just step aside, I won't beat all of you to a bloody pulp." They all laughed again, obviously not taking me seriously, not that I expected them to. 'Eddie, do you hear me?' I thought.

**Yes...**

"Well, aren't you spunky. I like that in a girl." Guys like this really make me sick.

'I could probably beat the crap out of everyone here, but there's no way I'm coming out of this unaided or unarmed without the need of a hospital. Is there anything you can do?' Eddie's been able to help me out so far with those telephone lines (she told me while I was catching me breath after I thought I lost Starscream), she might be able to help me now. When the first guy tried to make a grab for me, I dodged and punched him in the face. Have to admit, that felt good.

**Um, maybe. Let me see...**

'Can you hurry up? I think the battle's getting closer.' The sounds were becoming more noticeable, though still distant. I couldn't pay much attention to that, though, as a second guy -the one who first spoke- came at me. I gave him an upper cut to the chin then spun around and roundhouse kicked him in the middle left side of his body, knocking him down. Martial arts and street fighting come in handy in times like these. They were going to get serious now that they knew this chick had a backbone and could fight. It wouldn't be long until one of them pulled a knife, considering another already had a bat.

**Ok! Try summoning a weapon, any weapon!**

"_Summon_ a weapon? This isn't a video game Eddie!" I shouted while dodging the first swing of the bat and hooking a guy on my right. I honestly didn't care if these assholes thought I was nuts. I **am** nuts.

**Just do it!**

"Tch...How?" I ducked and let a guy punch the brick wall behind me. Damn it, they were starting to gang up on me now and the one ass was picking him self of the ground. I wouldn't be able to dodge all their hits soon. Fucking cowards!

**I don't know, just imagine the weapon in your hand or something! All I wrote was that you summoned a weapon out of nowhere at will. I didn't even be specific so it could be anything you wanted.**

I smirked. Anything I want, huh? Hmm.

I sprang up, grabbed the bat and swung it, along with the guy that was holding it, into two of the other punks that were approaching me, who then stumbled into another one. Combo! "I've had enough of you assholes!" I growled through my clenched teeth, glaring all the worst. Time for a rant. "So far today I've been sucked through a computer, sent to another frickin' world and kicked out of a library." They were looking at my like I was crazy as I approached them. In all honestly, I probably was at this point. "I've been shot at, chased around the fucking neighbourhood by a giant Dorito and got stuck in a sewer." I punched the guy that was trying to sneak up behind be in the face, I didn't forget about him. "I've been blown up and sent through a _fruit stand_ where I now have peach juice in places it should never be in." Seriously, it was disgusting. "I've had beyond up to my limit today and you have the nerve to attack me? Well take this ya assholes!" I worked up all my imagination and rage and in my right hand I had summoned...

**Ok, seriously? A giant tuna? **That's** your weapon of choice? Wow, how original...**

Yep, I summoned a tuna as a bat. The thing's four to five feet long! There is nothing wrong with using a giant fish to beat someone senseless. Or in this case, five people. I could not stop the evil look that crept onto my face.

"What the fuck?" Was all I heard before I beat out my frustrations and rage on the assholes picked the _wrong_ woman to attack. Most fun I've had all day, despite the lack of logic (pfft, like I need something so useless). This also worked better then anger management, go figure!

I ran back onto a populated street leaving behind a bunch of beat up and highly confused scum bags sprawled out on the ground in the alley (Teach them to mess with me!). It had been a long day, and I just wanted to get home... I better have a home in this world! Anyway, I was running across the street when, of course, I got ran over by a car! Why the hell didn't I see that coming? Oh, because everything was going so smooth before. Fuck.

I groaned. Luckily it didn't hit me to hard at all, but I was still laying on the ground in pain.

"Oh no, I've hit a human. That cannot be good." It spoke. It -the car- spoke. Of course. I'm not good with cars so the best I can tell ya was that it was blue, and had an intelligent professor like sound and some other thing I can't name to his voice, despite how unintelligent the things that came out of it were. "I'm so sorry, are you functional?"

I'll be damned if I wasn't _functional_ enough to make it back home tonight! "I'm alright." I groaned. This guy must have been an Autobot if he was asking if I was _functional_ in a non-sarcastic way, and a newbie or something if he was talking to me period. You know, considering the whole 'secret' thing. Just my luck that a newbie landed around here then came to hit me.

"Are you sure? You don't sound like a human who is 'all right' and you are rolled in on yourself. If my resources are to be trusted, that would be a sign of pain."

"I'm fine!" I snapped and picked myself off the ground. Ow, I think the adrenaline is wearing off. Shit.

"If you're sure. Um, I don't suppose you know where I could find the Autobots?" Oh, yeah. Total noob to earth. "I'm a little lost and I thought a native to this planet could help me out."

Ugh. "They're over that way," I pointed in the direction of the battle. "fighting a bunch of Decepticons. Just follow the sounds of battle."

"Battle? I best be going then, I have some great inventions that could help them kick ass. Thank you." He started to take off but stopped. "Are you sure you're ok? Ratchet's a great medic and I'm sure he could help you, last I heard he was on earth."

Twitch. "I'm fine, now go help your friends!" I had made it this far, no way was I letting this guy take me back.

"OK... Um, just one more question."

Grrrr. "What. Is. It?" I tried to keep my temper in check, though my growl was very distinct. I wonder why?

"Is it normal here to brandish large aquatic creatures like that?"

Facepalm. He noticed my tuna. "Yes it is, now please go." I can't take much more of this.

"Alright...Are you absolutely positive you're-"

"Fucking...GO!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, brandishing the tuna after him. What do you know, he actually went after that. Now, to limp myself home. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

_~Time skip, yay!~_

When I managed to get back to the small apartment Eddie and I shared it was dark, and I was exhausted, the adrenaline having wore off a while ago. We've been living here for about a year and a half now and have come to call the old dump home. Hey, I was just glad I had a home in this world. It may not be the best or the nicest but at my age I was lucky to get anything; not many people would rent to a 16 year old and her friend at the time. The old lady who owned this place was just really nice and even covered for us when our social worker showed up. The only conditions were: pay rent on time (duh), pay for any cable and/or internet (again, duh), no drugs, no alcohol, and no smoking. Really, no problem there.

The apartment consisted of: a tiny kitchen right next to the door, one bathroom, a living room with a tiny balcony, one fair sized bedroom and one closet sized one. One half of the place held access to the kitchen, then the main bedroom while the other half held everything else. The bathroom was attached to the living room and main bedroom. It was really tiny, but better than living in a group home. It'll do, at least until I'm done high school and can get a better job.

I grabbed a Snapple from the fridge, downing it instantly, and placed the fish bat in the freezer. The moment I let go of it, it turned to smoke. Huh, I guess I really shouldn't be too surprised by that. My body was swore like you couldn't believe, but I was too tired to do anything about it. I just staggered over to the bed Eddie and I would sometimes share and collapsed. I was going to pay for this in the morning but right now, I needed sleep. It had been a looo~ooong day, dammit.

"G'night Edds," I mumbled, already feeling the oh-so-inviting pull of sleep.

**Good night, sleep tight, and bite the bedbugs before they bite you! Stupid bedbugs...**

"Heh." I smiled. The last thing thought of before I fell asleep was 'Thank god it's Saturday, I don't have school or work tomorrow.' then I was out.


	5. Chapter 5 Missing Something?

_**A.N. Gah, I just couldn't be happy with this chapter at all. I re-wrote like twice and I still find it too boring. Stupid boring set up stuff! OC, Y U NO COOPERATE? Warning; longer chapter.**_

* * *

I was right; I did regret going straight to bed last night. No, it wasn't because I was covered in wounds that I left untreated, causing them to hurt even more. Nor was it the fact that I didn't take a shower and now my bed was covered in dirt and dried blood, not to mention that I'm still in yesterday's clothes. Nor was it because I didn't eat since that fish yesterday and now have my stomach trying to kill me. Nor was the regret caused by the fact that I knew I had slept in and most likely had the military tracking me down this very second for questioning, them now having a head start. No, it was because I forgot to take out my god damn contacts last night and damn it, they fucking hurt! "Son of a... Fucking, ow!" I sprang from my bed and ran for the bathroom.

_~Chapter 5; Missing Something?~_

I stared back at myself in the mirror, bloodshot eyes looking back at me. I had finally managed to finally get my contacts out and drowned my eyes in Visine, getting rid of the pain and redness in my eyes. I was finally able to see properly. I wasn't that bad off as I'd originally thought, though I was still covered in dirt, dried blood, and dried peach juice. I'd have to take a shower before I could really see the damage, but so far, the worst of it seems to be on my back. It's burned and has quite a few cuts, probably from being blown up and put through a fruit stand.

Near the end of my shower I had an idea. If anyone had gotten a good look at me yesterday, they'd be searching for a teenaged girl with short, boyish, _purple_ hair. I stepped out of my shower and grabbed my hair bleach. Careful not to get anything on my wounds (which wasn't easy, by the way), I started to bleach my hair. If they were looking for purple hair, I'd bleach mine white. Not much of a disguise, but it could help.

Through with my shower, I turned off the water and stepped out, wrapping my hair in a towel. Now clean and free of grossness, I managed to get a good look at myself in the mirror. I was well muscle toned for the average women and naturally tanned, though my skin was now covered in small nicks, cuts, and a few splinters-my guess, from the fruit stand. Minor things that would be gone in two days at the most. My legs had gotten scrapped up but, again, that wouldn't take to long to heal, though I'd want to bandage some of them. The main concerns I had were the gash on my left arm, the bruise along my ribs (the very painful throbbing I got from them probably being a bad sign), and when turning around I could see a nasty burn and a few small cuts along my back. This was something I'd normally go to a doctor's for but considering the circumstances (people with a master degree in stalking looking for me and what-not), that probably wasn't the best idea. Fuck, do we still even _have_ a first-aid kit?

Dragging my swore ass (now wrapped in a towel) out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, I noticed a strange smell. It smelt suspiciously like food... I made a mad dash to the kitchen, only to finding nothing there. I followed the sent into the living room, where I found a plate of eggs, toast and breakfast sausage with a glass of orange juice next to first aid kit and a bottle of painkillers-blessed, heavy duty, fast acting painkillers- on our small coffee table. Eddie, I know this is your doing and I love you. I love you and your creepy reality bending powers right now.

**You're welcome.**

I sat at the table and wolfed down my breakfast, taking only a second to pop in two painkillers. I haven't had something this good in ages. We'd always go for what was the cheapest, easiest, and fastest to make. The painkillers were also a blessing in their own way, relieving the pain quickly. "By the way Edds," I manage to speak between mouthfuls. "How are you still here? Didn't the library close at five?"

**Yeah, it did. I got here when it opened and made a dash for the computer. You were still in the shower at the time.**

"I was?" It's Sunday, doesn't the library open late on Sundays? Like, passed one late. What time the I get up at?

**I'm not sure when you got up, but right now it's two o'clock.**

"Two o'clock? Holy shit!" I sprang up from the table a little to quickly, losing my balance and ending up right back on my ass. I slept in that long? "I don't have time for this, I have to get out of here!" I tried, and fail, to get back up.

**Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the rush? You still need to patch up yourself up!**

"Are you kidding me, Eddie?" I shouted at the voice in my head. "The military will probably be looking for me after last night! I can't stay here, the first place they'll check is our apartment." I've lost so much time already...

**Relax, I'm not stupid! I'm already ahead of that. Apparently it's the humans' job to find anyone exposed to the Cybertronians.**

And?

_**And**_** it just so happens that all of their computer equipment is spontaneously showing all information in Ancient Greek.**

I smiled. "Eddie, you devil, you!" Leave it to Eddie to think of something like that. I sat back down and finished my breakfast, then started picking out remaining splinters.

**I do my best.**

Normally at this point I'd have her locked in a one arm hug. I realized sadly that that would be impossible without her actual here. "You know, it feels kinda strange being in this apartment without you here." As ridiculously corny as it sounds, I've never actually woken up without Eddie here before.

**I know. It felt strange waking up this morning without hearing your snoring or running around. We have been roommates for a while, after all. It's only natural to feel strange.**

"..."

**...**

"Bah, no reason to think about it." I started to rap up the gash on my left arm.

**Yes there is! I'm still not in the Transformers world, this isn't fair!**

"...Wow, Eddie. Just wow." Now how do I get the burn on my back?

_(o3o) More time skip, yay! (0^0)_

Poking my head out the door, I looked both ways down the hall to make sure no one was there. All clear, good. I snuck out of my apartment building wearing worn-out navy blue jeans, steel toed boots, and a black tank top under a somewhat baggy but thin dark blue and black jacket with a dirt coloured backpack with my emergency cash and other supplies inside hanging over my right shoulder. A ball cap covered most of my now white-grey hair and hid my dull grey eyes (contacts). The clothes not only hid my bandages from unwanted attention but made me look like a boy. If anyone looking for me really studies my face they could tell it was me easily, but that wasn't the idea. Soldiers aren't going to study the faces of everyone they pass in this giant city, they'll be just glancing around hoping to see something familiar. Looking the way I am, they'll give me no more than a passing glance in the busy streets of Toronto.

I was to stay low until I could figure out some sort of plan to get me out of this. All in all, I felt like a bloody criminal trying to make a get away! I didn't do anything wrong! I just didn't want to be questioned.

**How are you so sure they'll even figure out who you are anyway? Even if they do get their computers back to normal, you don't have a Facebook or anything!**

"Because, Eddie, they'll have me in their systems, I think. I was in Army Cadets for two years, remember?" I whispered too quietly for anyone to hear. Talking to myself would gain unwanted attention. I have the be careful about talking to Eddie out loud now. Yesterday I was too pissed to give a damn. Today, well, I'm still pissed but I can keep it under control. Somewhat. For now, anyway. Eddie was usually the one to keep my temper in check with some random thing or another.

I had only then realized how having some form of army training then being spotted with a Decepticon (whether he was trying to kill me or not) would make me even more suspicious in the eyes of the political assholes, or whom ever would be dealing with this. Damn.

**Oh yeah. That explains it.**

Explains what, Eddie?

**They figured out who you are, and are already heading for the apartment. Turns out they got sick of getting Nyan Cat whenever they get close to fixing their computers or finding you and asked the 'bots to find you while they look for a certain *ahem* master hacker. Lol, they think I'm a master hacker.**

Well crap, assuming that they still had soldiers here trying to smooth things over and cover things up, it won't take them long to get to the apartment at all. Good thing I'm no longer in it. Best get out of the area. And seriously, 'lol'?

**I'm using a keyboard to talk to you, give me a break.**

I was right that they'd be there soon. I was about six blocks away and on a busy street when a certain familiar (and kickass) black truck filled with uniformed men drove by me and towards the way I came. Just as I expected, they passed me by without so much as a second glance. After all, they're looking for a chick, not a guy. It was just one of those times when I was glad I wasn't that feminine. Still, I felt like I was forgetting about something. Something rather important...

**Hey, check it out. TV crew!**

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up. I had unconsciously headed towards the where the battle was yesterday and what do you know, there was a local news TV crew there, along with a big crowd. The damage done to the city obviously gained some attention. Figuring it a good place to blend in, I went to check it out, curiosity driving me. How were they going to cover this up? After Egypt, they should've just given up trying to hide. I snuck through the crowd to get a good look at everything.

There were people in uniform everywhere! Too many to count. Everything from local police, to the fire chief, to the military and what I'm sure were N.E.S.T. soldiers and 'bots in disguise. According to the journalist, they were doing a live broadcast on the scene of an explosion caused by an underground gas line as reported by the officials. Gas line my ass. Guessing by the looks of the people watching, no one believed it. Neither did the reporter, if the obvious skepticism in her words weren't a dead give away. But I doubt she would go into 'conspiracy theories' on a live news broadcast, not if she wants to keep her job. I could also see two soldiers by a van in the distance keeping an eye on things, making sure nothing _abnormal_ was said.

My problem came when the reporter went to get some opinions from the audience and pulled out me, even though I _clearly_ wasn't paying attention nor volunteering. Bitch, I know you had something to do with this.

_Possibly. You didn't think I would let you just avoid contact with the Cybertronians, did you?_

I didn't have time to respond to that little comment as the journalist asked my opinion on the matter. My face was being displayed live for everyone to see. Gulp. The two soldiers keeping an eye on things would be able to get a good look of my face on that giant flat screen they have on the side of the news van. To make matters worse, the sun had somehow shone straight in my eyes. Shit, act natural. I tried to lower my voice to sound more like a guy, hoping to clear any suspicion. "Um, it's kind of weird, really." I failed. One soldier was paying attention now. God, I wish Eddie was here, she could get me out of this!

"How so?"

"Ah-um, all this destruction. You said it's from a gas line yet all those buildings look like they were tore down, not blown up from below." The one soldier hit his companion on the arm to get his attention and pointed at me, lifting up a small piece of paper that would most likely have my photograph on it. Crap, I think I've been recognized. "Uh-um, I don't know. I mean, I uh just came to town this morning," Bad lie. "the buildings could've been really old or something and crumble from the tremor, I just, um, think it's weird." I tried to rap it up. The other soldier picked up his radio, shit. I hope this reporter can take a hint and tell I have to go.

She did, bless her. "Weird indeed. How about you, what's your opinion?" She moved onto the next guy as I tried to sneak through the crowd. I knew by now someone would try to approach me to check me out (not in _that_ way, moron), so I tried to get lost in the sea of bodies then slip out of the crowd. I'm getting a really bad feeling.

_You're forgetting something, someone._

I had just gotten away and into a side street at the edge of the crowd when I felt a hand on my wrist hold me back. I looked back to see a man about six feet with brown hair and eyes dressed in a soldiers uniform. The little name tag told me his name was Washington. "Excuse me, Miss." He said in an official tone. It was hard to hear though, with the sounds of the crowd and a jet going by on top of it.

Jet going by...

That's when it hit me. I remembered what I forgotten. God, I was such an idiot!

"Can you come with me, please?"

**What?**

I can't believe I forgot!

**What is it?**

That was no jet.

"Miss?"

**Uh-oh. Please don't tell me it's-**

Starscream.

Of course! He's still inexplicably attached to me (barf), why wouldn't he be looking for me? That TV broadcast gave him my location. As if I needed the sound of screaming people to remind me of my stupidness!

I grabbed Washington by the wrist as he turned behind to look and ran out of the side street and towards all the soldiers. Screw running avoiding them, if I was going to be attacked by that psychotic Dorito again, it's going to be while on the side with people trained to kill him. I ran through the crowd of people screaming (I heard some guy yell "The Doritos are attacking!" ha!) only paused by my drag-along's attempts to pull me in the other direction. "Miss, I need to get you to safety and away from here." He said. He was a little stunned by my next reply.

"You moron, it's **me** the bastard's targeting! Where ever I go, he's going to follow trying to shoot my ass!" I growled. "If you want me somewhere _safer_ then get me behind your allies and their big-ass guns!" I continued to drag him in the direction of said allies. Though he was probably still very confused, Wash seemed to get the message of which way's safer when 'Scream's first shot hit the ground to my right followed by a shout of "You can't escape me this time, squishy!" and more shots. Thank god the Dorito of Doom neglects his target practice.

"Why is he after you?" Washington seemed to regain himself as we ran. The Autobots that were here had transformed while most of the officials on scene worked with getting the civilians to safety. Starscream's back up should arrive any second now.

"Because apparently the asshole has serious women issues!" Add another point to the dumbfound Washington score board. The battle had begun full force, bullets and other ammo flying about the 'safe point' still being a long way away. "Bitch, I know you're listening!" Time to address the demon causing all of this.

_Yes? What is it?_

I grunted, avoiding another shoot. "Why are you doing this? Are you trying to get me killed?" We ducked behind a randomly flipped over car to catch our breaths.

_Well, you wouldn't willingly interact with anyone unique to this world, so in order to progress the story I must force you._

"You fucking bitch! I don't even know the first thing about these guys!" Not like I'm getting out of interaction now.

_I fail to see how that's a problem._

Liar. "Who are you talking too?" A confused voice asked from beside me. I turned to face Washington. It became painfully obvious that he wasn't armed with anything that could do damage against these guys.

"Duh, one of the voices in my head. The one causing all this." Add another point. He clearly thought I was nuts. We made a break for it, a small dead-end alley as our next check point. Unfortunately, Starscream's back up had arrived and we happened to have caught the attention of one fugly 'Con. "Eddie, can you help us?" I asked. Any help would greatly appreciated. The Decepticon was now pursing us.

"My names not-"

"Not you." I cut Washington off. "The other voice in my head-the one that's not evil. She can help us." I explained as though it was a well-known and sane topic.

"How the hell is a voice in your head going to help us-" This time he was cut off by a car appearing out of thin air and crashing on our pursuer's head. "That's how!" I responded to his unfinished question. Add another one. We ducked inside the alley to once again catch our breaths. What happened to not directly attacking anyone, Edds? Huff. Puff.

**I hate that guy. He's a jerk.**

Heh, I see. Huff. I turned to see poor Wash glaring at me. "What the _hell_ was that?" He growled between breaths. I'm going to go on a limb here and say he's at that pissed off/ confused state.

"That was Eddie." I said unconcerned. "Aw shi- he got back up!" I could hear Washington mutter an "Aw Shit" before looking around for something to help defend us against the now pissed off giant robot heading straight for us. Frantically searching, I laid eyes on someone that could help us; an Autobot was near! That yellow-green neon one that knew how to kill the mood. Damn it, if only I could get his attention. Shouting "Hey, you!" doesn't seem to work. "Eddie, what's his name?"

**Ratchet!**

"Ratchet!" I shout, cupping my hands around my mouth. It worked! He looked this way and spotted us, then spotting the 'Con and shot at him, coming to fend him off so we could make a get away. This would have gone a lot faster if Eddie was here...ding.

"Fuck, see? I don't even know their _names_ and you want me to interact with them? I don't know anything about this world" I growled.

_Hmm?_

"If you want your damn _story_ to progress then I'm going to need help! Someone who knows this stuff and could keep me from getting killed or completely losing it. And not just as a voice in my head!"

"Now what are you talking about?" Washington groaned in the background. Poor guy.

"If you want me to survive any more of your damn _story_ then I need my sister here! I need Eddie!"

My response to my demand was the impression of that damn author smiling and the sweet, cheery voice I had become so familiar with as my sister-from-another-mister's making its presence known from behind me.

"Hiya!"

_Next chapter we get to see our trouble making duo troll N.E.S.T. How will the soldiers react? Will Washington recover from cars ad teenagers appearing from no where? How many points can we rack up on the dumbfound Washington board? Will fish become a lethal weapon? Find out next time~!_


	6. Chapter 6 Hiya

_**AN: Sorry for the lateness. I blame health and baseball!**_

_**Edit: I'm going to be out of town and internet connection for over a month or so. I'll still be writing the chapters but I won't be able to post them until I'm back, sorry.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers. (No shit.)**_

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_"Hiya!"_

"Jesus! What the fuck?" I think Washington jumped three feet in the air when Eddie spoke, alerting him to presence of a 5'2" pale, freckled, and wildly grinning redheaded teenage girl standing right next to him, seemingly to have appeared from no where. Poor guy, I hope he doesn't have high blood pressure. Then again if he did, why would he be in the military? "Who the hell..._Where_ the hell...?"

"I'm Edna, nice to meet you." Eddie casually turned to Wash and offers her hand. It can be very amusing to watch, the way people react to Eddie's good mannerism in the strangest times, it usually leaves them dumbfounded. Speaking of which, that's another point to the 'Dumbfound Washington Board'.

Washington looked and sounded awkward as he shook her hand. "Uh...er, I'm, ah, Privet Dale Washington...nice to, er, meet you...too." He then shouted out a very understandable "Where the fuck did you come from?" to which I ever so nonchalantly replied;

"This is Eddie, the voice that _was_ in my head. She came from another world through a magical computer that The Bitch uses." I waved it off as no big deal. I had officially accepted the fact that people are going to think I'm crazy, not that I ever denied that I was.

Washington sputtered there helplessly, muttering a few things along the lines of "she's real?" and whatnot.

I turned to face my best friend, only to catch a glimpse of her baby-blue t-shirt before I was glomped. "Easy there Edds- watch my back!" I gasp, being tackle-hugged like that does no good for my injured body, painkillers or not. Ow.

"Whoops, sorry." She got off of me, thank god, seeming rather embarrassed. "Oh, h-here, I brought your sunglasses from the library." Eddie pulled out a pair of thick black rimmed sunglasses, the kind with the reflective multi-coloured lenses that hide your eyes, and held them in front of me.

"Good, put them on." I ordered.

"Huh?" She tilted her head to one side in confusion.

"When I got here I had that spell curse thing placed on me and now we have one ugly-aft" Oh hey, the new curse word stuck. "mother fucker of a giant robot obsessed with me. You might have got the same thing when entering this world." I explained.

"But she didn't say anything about-"

"I'm not taking any chances! I don't trust that bitch..." Something about not trusting strange voices from a computer that sends you to other dimensions... "Until we can be sure, wear those. They hide your eyes and should prevent you from ending up on the wrong side of some mystical one-sided love/infatuation/murderous urge crap from a giant alien robot."

"O-okay, right." She put quickly put the sunglasses on, taking a bit to adjust to the change in view. I must say, they do not suit her.

"Wait...so this is Eddie? The same voice person that dropped a car on the ugly bastard's head?" Washington, seeming to have recovered and back-tracked, demanded, looking more then a little confused.

"Yep. The very one." I responded while Eddie looked a little sheepish, putting one hand behind her head.

Washington stared at her for a second. "You know, with a nick name like Eddie, I expected a guy." He declared.

"I-I know, right? I get that a lot. It's not a very feminine nick name. I d-didn't like it that much at first, but..."

"I said it would give her originality." I explained, cutting Eddie off slightly. I left them to work out whatever questions Wash had to check if it was safe to run yet. Pressing myself to the brick wall behind me, I peered out the end of the alley. Ratchet-that was his name, right?- was currently trying to fend the 'Con off enough for us to make a run for it.

"So, uh, how long have you been here?" I heard Wash ask. He was surprisingly taking this rather well. You honestly don't expect a military man to just go with strange things this easily...huh.

"In this alley or in her head?" Eddie asked.

"Uh..."

"In this alley, I've been here for less than five minutes. I've been in her head since this whole thing started." She said ever so casually.

We should be able to make a break for it soon, but still not soon enough for me liking. If only I had some sort of weapon that could help...

"So do you know why that Starscream guy was shooting at us?" He asked again. I guess he wasn't satisfied with my previous answer. Wondering how she would respond, I turned to see how Eddie answer him.

She looked at Washington as if the knowledge was as common and obvious as 'the sky is blue'. "Isn't it obvious?" She asked in a tone that said he should have easily figured it out a long time ago. "The mech has serious women issues."

The look one his face clearly proved that sometimes the truth can be the best way to troll. It's easy to tell how Eddie and I get along so well. I should really start counting these points on an actual board.

I turned back to the battle of women issues. Ratchet was sill having a hard time with Mr. Fugly-Jerk. Hey, I wonder if I can still...

"Where the _hell_ did you get that?" Washington shouted from somewhere behind me. In one hand I held some sort of missile launcher, in the other, a missile painted to look like a barracuda. An **exploding** barracuda. Fuck yeah!

"Oh hey, you can still do that?" Was Eddie's comment.

After loading this baby up, I took aim. That stupid Autobot was in the way! I highly doubt Eddie would let me off the hook if a shot him too. "Hey, Edds?"

"You're not allowed to shoot Ratchet." Her voice held no room for argument. Damn.

"Then distract him!"

"Ok." Eddie took a step out of the alley, faced Ratchet, cupped her hands around her mouth, and shouted at the top of her lungs. "Hey, Ratchet!" He punched the Eddie-dubbed-jerk in the jaw and turned to look, allowing me a clear shot. "Don't move!"

Before he could respond or even finish making a confuse face I had pulled the trigger, sending the barracuda straight into the 'Cons face. Not the biggest explosion, but enough to work and not hit Ratchet. I must admit, that was more than a little satisfying.

"Thank you!" Eddie shouted at the confused Autobot.

Grabbing Wash's collar (he had come up behind us to watch) and Eddie's wrist, I sprinted out of the alley, leaving behind my weapon to poof into smoke. "Time to go!" I shouted, cutting out any protests by Eddie. The moment we were into plain sight, missiles and whatever other ammo they use in their weapons. We broke out into a mad dash -Washington to my right and Eddie running just behind me- for the "safe zone", aka behind the front line and into the custody of the military. Yay.

One thing did catch my notice, though. There seemed to be less and less life threatening alien shit being shot in our general direction as we ran. It also seemed to be getting ever so slightly quieter. Not to mention that no one has made a grab for us (me) yet. Doubting that we had managed to out-run Decepticons, I put two and two together to come up with a confusing conclusion without having to look back. "They're pulling back...?"

"Megatron must have finally wondered were all his troops went and called them back." Eddie answered my question. It figures that he'd get a little pissed with all these soldiers of hi going after some random human on Starscream's command. I at least knew from Eddie that the asshole was the Decepticon SIC and that he and ol'Megs didn't exactly get along, not like it was hard to miss.

I smiled. Now it was _that_ part. If I learned anything from yesterday, I learned that Starscream or The Bitch was likely going to give one last explosion-y attempt at killing me before he leaves. In fact, if the sounds of a settling battle and jet engines were anything to go by, I'd start the count down to when something blows up at our feet...now. Three...two...one..."Brace yourselves!"

BOOM!

Yep, right behind us, along with a screech of "I will get you, bitch!". Good news though, the explosion was farther from me than the last time, close enough to send us all flying a few feet in the air, but far enough not to sear our skin. At least this time I knew it was coming and it was a patch of grass we were about to land on, not a fruit stand.

I landed on the back of my left shoulder, purposely tucking in my body and front-rolled across the grass a few times, lessening the impact force. Washington ungracefully did a few air flips before landing on his ass and collapsing. That made me feel cool about my own landing, until Eddie, the little brat, landed on her feet and walked of the force as if all she did was jump off a bench.

"Well that was fun." She said sincerely, then helped me up. The sounds of battle had almost disappeared now.

We approached Washington as he picked himself off the ground. "Well soldier," I addressed him. "we're safe now. What were you saying before the Dorito of Doom attacked us?" He looked confused for only a second before remembering why he approached me in the first place.

"R-right. I'm supposed to take you in for questioning." He returned to an official-ish tone. After taking a good look at me though he said "Though I'm thinking a trip to the medics first might be a good idea."

"Huh, why?" I dumbly asked.

"Well for starters, you are bleeding in several places. Including your head."

It was true. My close had gotten torn up and I had several new cuts. The gash on my left arm was bleeding anew. I also had a nasty new one along my right forearm. Raising a hand to my forehead, I drew it back to find blood on my fingers. "Oh hey, I am. Man~, I didn't feel a thing!" How did I not notice that? Must have been the adrenaline or painkillers or something...

_-Time skip!-_

The medics were not pleased with my sad attempt at first-aid. They treated and bandaged up the burn and cuts on my back, bandaged my head (the cut was very small by the way), and re-bandaged me left arm. The cut on my right was actually pretty deep and needed stitches, I even had to have it in a sling. Turns out I severely bruised my ribs and came close to fracturing or breaking it. I also had several other wounds along my body. You know, in the movies you see people get hurt to a point. They fail, however, at showing how much of the little cuts and scrapes you actually get. Turns out; a lot. Thank god for pain killers.

After I was all patched up they decided it was time to question Eddie and I. Which brings us to where we are now; in a small interrogation room on some military base. The decided to question us both at the same time after Eddie said she was there for yesterday's event's as well. There wasn't much to the room. I was small with grey walls and one of those on-way windows facing us. We were sat at a plain table with to guys sitting across from us.

"Names." One of them demanded, the other looking through the file they brought with them. The guy talking had short dirty-blond hair.

"Edna Brooks"

"Read the file."

He glared at me.

"Place of residence?"

"With her" We both said simultaneously, pointing at each other.

"Which is?"

We pointed at the file.

He raised an eyebrow and attempted to beet us at our own game by being a smartass. Fool. "You live in this file?" He asked with a smirk.

"It's surprisingly roomy." I replied.

"Tuesday is our taco night." Eddie stated. "You should come!"

His face dropped into a glare. "So you think your funny?" Was his cliché response. Before he could go on some rant we both tilted our heads to the side as if in confusion.

"Funny? I don't get it." Eddie sounded genuinely confused.

"How are we being funny?" I asked innocently.

His glare darkened. "You just said that you lived in a file." He growled.

"No we didn't!" I protested.

"You said we lived in a file!" Eddie sounded upset, though I knew she really wasn't. She may not be as much of a troll as I am, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't enjoying this.

"I was just surprised at how roomy the file looked and stated so!" Me.

"And I just invited you to taco night! Though I take it back if you're going to be mean and accuse us of stuff that never happened." Eddie pouted and believe me, she can pout.

The guy's partner was trying to fight back a grin and keep professional. He had short brown hair and eyes and was clearly amused by his partner's distress. I'm guessing that this guy was the 'good cop'. "Listen, ladies." He finally spoke. "We're just here to question you about the events of the last two days."

"Okay, that's easy." Eddie replied.

"Shoot." I said nonchalantly.

"Alright. Where were you between the hours of four and five pm yesterday?" The nicer guy asked, looking at me.

"I was getting shot at by the metal chicken-legged Dorito that is Starscream."

They both looked at each other.

"Where did you learn that name?" The other guy demanded.

"Same place I learned Ratchet's, her." I pointed at Eddie. She waved.

"Right, and according to an earlier statement from you, Miss Brooks, you learned their names from another world where everyone here is apart of a movie." Same guy skeptically asked.

"Right!" She responded.

"Listen here you little-"

"Moving on. We'll get to that later." The nicer one intervened before his partner could flip. "Why was Starscream attacking you?" He returned to questioning me.

"Because he has women issues."

"And what makes you say that?"

"Because the moment he saw me yesterday he tried to kill me." Duh.

"Have you had any previous contact with him?"

"Nope. He just has it out for me."

"And why is that?" The other guy asked, trying to regain his calm.

"'Cause the moment he saw me he fell under a magical spell that made him in love with me-which he apparently doesn't realize yet so he's trying to kill me. My opinion? Horrible love story. He should stop trying to kill me sometime though." I waved it off like nothing. I swear I'm going to get sued for giving someone an aneurysm one of these days.


	7. Chapter 7 Tentacles?

_**A.N. I have a small break before I have to go again but I can only post 1 chapter right now, sorry. I think now's a good time to mention that I, PaDiYaFLAME, do NOT agree with some (most) points of view of my characters (dah bitch with the temper). Especially with a certain someone's view on the military and Optimus. I am a true Autobot at heart. **__She__** is not. *cough*bitch*cough* And for those of you who don't know what tentacle hentai is...I'm not explaining it! Google at your own risk!**_

_**Disclaimer: Blah blah I don't own Transformers blah blah I only own my 3 Ocs blah blah you get the point.**_

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Three days. Three fucking days of interrogation before they decided that we should talk to the 'Bots. Probably would have been less if it weren't for that incident yesterday morning.

_(Flash back! Woo~)_

We were being led by three men-in-black type guys to yet another room to be questioned by who-knows-who for another few hours. God, I was getting sick of this, but hey, the more people interrogate us, the more we get to troll. At the end of the last round the guy wasn't sure if it was supposed to be us or him getting interrogated. That was fun.

One of the men opened a door for us where in we found a well lit conference room. Huge difference from the first room we were in. On the table in the middle was some type of transceiver. Basically a speaker and a few buttons. Beside it was a microphone. I guess who ever we were talking to was too important to be seen. The voice would probably be disguised, too.

I was wrong, the voice wasn't disguised. Out of the speaker came an obviously older male voice with a southern accent. "Good morning, ladies." He sounded vaguely familiar. Probably someone from the movies.

"Good morning, sir." Eddie said from my right.

"'Sup?" Was my response.

Now is when the trouble started. "Um, s-sir? Are you sure this is safe?" Eddie tentatively asked.

"What do you mean?" Came from the voice on the other end.

"Is this signal one that's tracked be satellite or is it like a walky-talky thing?" I explained, already knowing where Eddie was going. Of course she'd be worried about _him_ hearing something he shouldn't. Or should, depending on which side you're looking at things from.

"What would it matter?" He was starting to sound suspicious of us.

"I-I mean with Soundwave up there r-raping your satellites and stuff..." She trailed off.

There was silence.

"Raping?" One of the men who brought us here asked from their positions behind us. He was highly confused.

I turned to look at him. "You ever heard of tentacle hentai?" I asked. He didn't know, but guessing by the quickly reddening look on the face from the blond guy beside him, _he_ did.

"You mean...there's a...doing _that_..." Blushing guy sputtered.

"Yep. To a satellite." Eddie made impossible wiggling motions with her arms as I watched his face go redder from trying to imagine **that** image.

He dropped his head into his hand and muttered. "Dear God..."

The last guy yet to speak stepped towards the now red guy. "I don't get it, what's tentacle hentai?" This question was followed by an agreement from the other guy-guy number one (yes, I know the have names and faces but I just don't give a fuck)- and a snicker from me and Eddie.

"Trust me," Even redder guy stated from behind his hand. " you don't want to know." No they don't. But it would be fun to see their reactions.

"More importantly, what's this about a _Soundwave_?" Came the man from the speaker.

"You didn't know?" I stupidly asked. I just assumed they knew about him. Whoops.

"That's how the 'Cons knew where to find the allspark shard. He's listening to all your long distance communications." Eddie informed them.

Silence and intense/shocked/suspicious looks/glares.

Eddie sighed. "We're going back to the interrogation room, aren't we?"

_(End flash back...)_

That earned us another few rounds of interrogation and probably sent the N.E.S.T. soldiers into mild panic (and we haven't even met them yet, new record!). In her defense, we both just assumed they knew about Soundwave. The only breaks we've had were for food, sleep, and medical attention. We were given some military clothes to wear in the meantime. Just some camo pants and black tanks they had laying around. My right arm was still in a sling though I was getting it off tomorrow. The doctors said it was a miracle that it didn't get infected considering the most probable cause of the cut was that car I hid behind with Washington. In fact, none of my wounds-even the ones that went through my crappy first-aid- got infected at all. Huh. So **not** complaining.

Speaking of ol'Washington, we haven't seen him at all since we got here. Not surprising, but still, he seemed alright for a soldier and I wanted to harass him more. Why? Because if he didn't stop me in that crowd, I probably wouldn't be here right now surrounded by the fucking military and government suits. Now I don't hate the government, I just don't trust them. Not to mention the shame that comes from watching our politicians. The military however, them I hate. They piss me off. Fucking hypocritical assholes... But that's a completely different story.

Right now Eddie and I are being led by **more** men in suits to the temporary Autobot hanger. Apparently the Autobots wanted to speak with us in person. I couldn't give a fuck, my only concern was going home, but bouncing up and down with barely suppressed glee to my left was Eddie. For her, officially meeting these guys, Autobot _or_ Decepticon, was a dream come true. Poor guys probably won't know what hit them when she goes fangirl-nova. To bad I don't have a video-camera.

Shielding my eyes, I made a show of trying to see. "Hey, Miss Transfan?" She turned to me, causing her to walk backwards. "Can you tone down those blinding rays of rabid fangirl until we actually meet the dudes? I can't see and you have my sunglasses."

Eddie laughed and I smiled. "Sorry. I guess I'm a little excited." She actually calm down some. Just a bit, but enough so that I wasn't afraid of her hitting me accidently. "I mean, this is so cool! We're in the Transformers world and we get to meet the _Autobots_! Plus, we're not getting shot at!" Edds shouted, waving her arms at me as she walked backwards. Quite a sight.

I raised an eyebrow. Though I am still **very** pissed about the whole situation, there was something cool about meeting giant alien robots and not getting shot at for it. "Not getting shot is good." Eddie smiled and placed her hands behind her head.

One of the suits escorting us cleared his throat to gain our attention. We had approached some big ass doors that probably led to the 'Bot-hanger. They opened the doors and led us inside what could only be described as a giant metal room designed for housing airplanes. Minus the planes and add about six Autobots and whole whack of soldiers, of course.

Let's see now. There was that Optimus Prime guy (the giant one with flame paint that steals faces), Iron-something (black cannon dude), that neon tool guy that helped us out before (I'm bad with names, ok!), that red dude that came out of _fucking nowhere_ (I **still **can't get over that), silver guy, and a blue one whom I'm guessing is the asshole who ran me over. Asshole. He and red dude weren't paying attention to us, though, and were talking to each other as we approached the others. Which was good because I really didn't want to explain the fish thing... The other four were paying close attention to us, however, and we in return. Now that I wasn't being shot at or running for my life I could finally get a good look at these guys and I must say, they look so much cooler in person! Just the shortest one, silver guy, looked to be about 20 feet tall, and Optimus Prime dwarfed them all! By the time we were close I had to crane my neck all the way back just to see their faces. To summarize my opinion of that moment in two words: Fucking. Cool. Don't get me wrong, I still don't like these guys -that thing with Bumblebee (yes, I remembered his name) being left behind to the humans in the first movie still pisses me off greatly and permanently landed their leader on my Asshole Shit List- but hey, they looked cool.

For God's sake, I **have** to find a better adjective other than 'cool' for these guys.

Eddie must have sensed my confusion with the name thing because she sighed, rolled her eyes at me, and then named the for we were facing. "Sideswipe, Ratchet, Ironhide, and Optimus Prime." She pointed at each one as she said their names. This startled them but before anyone else had a chance to speak, Eddie raised her hand as if to wave (but didn't) then shouted something that sounded like it should be in Star Wars. "Bah weep grAAAgnah wheep ni ni bong!"

Dah fuck?

I wasn't sure if it was the look I gave her or if I said that out loud but she immediately answered my question. "I-it's the universal greeting." Came her sheepish voice. I felt some weird tingling chill go up my spine. Odd.

"I thought that was 'live long and prosper'."

"N-no, that's Star Trek." Edds corrected.

"Huh." Probably won't remember it anyway.

"How do you know that?" Neon bot- Ratchet asked. He was closely regarding Eddie.

"I thought it was universal." I whined rather loudly, placing my hands behind my head. "Why wouldn't she know it?"

"Then why didn't you know it." One of our escorts was trying to be a smartass. Shouldn't there be a warning about that?

"'Cause I couldn't give two shits. Duh." I thought my obvious I-don't-give-a-fuck posture was enough to point _that_ out. "I don't even know the French greeting, why the _hell_ would I care about a universal greeting?" I waved him off. Time to switch topics. There was something that I've been needing to say since three days ago. "Hey, Ratchet." I had his attention now. "Thanks for the help with that 'Con before. As much as I **hate** to admit it, I owe ya one." I **hate** owing people. But I asked for his help and he gave it, that means I owe him and I repay my debts. He actually looked surprised by my declaration, then he looked serious.

"How about you two tell us how you _really_ got your information and we'll call it even." Is there a difference between his normal voice and his serious one? 'Cause I can't tell. Dang, the dude had the same look my principal does when I get sent to his office.

I sighed. I knew that was coming. "We already told the guys interrogating us. I'm sure you already know."

"You honestly expect us to believe that you two came from some other dimension?" Iron guy's aggravated voice spoke out.

"Pfft! No! You'd be pretty stupid if you did. No one in their right mind would believe such a story. Hell, even I wouldn't believe it." Would you?

"Then why did you tell it?!" The annoyed voice of that cocky silver one-Sideswipe asked.

"'Cause I **suck** at lying and there's no way Eddie would."

"It's true." Said redhead waved and nodded her head a few times at hyper-girl-speed.

Optimus Prime raised his hand to stop any further argument before it began. Fun-killer. He looked at us and spoke in his regal voice. "Regardless of the reason, whether it be truthful or not,". Translation: we've given up trying to get a rational story from you. "the fact remains that Starscream wants you" He pointed at me. "dead. Being out in the open would put you and everyone around you in danger. The information you both possess makes the both of you an even bigger target."

"I know where this is going now." I interrupted. "Eddie and I know too much so you want to keep a close eye on us while offering 'protection' to see if we'll reveal anything. Fat chance. We're not staying here!" They probably can keep us here on account of being a danger to the general public...Shh!

"Not at all, Miss Ni-"

"Don't call me that!" I shouted, face blushing. Curse my parents for not picking a better name! "Don't call me by my first name either." I don't know which is worse. "In fact, you don't have to call me anything, just send us home."

"And let Starscream tear apart more of the city trying to kill you? Not likely." This was Ratchet.

I narrowed my eyes and glared. "His wanting to kill me is only temporary." Yes, I know how stupid I sound saying that. "Besides, I can take care of myself."

"You barely survived the last time, what makes you think you can 'take care' of this." He sounded angry.

My eye got smaller and my temper flared. "Barely survived? I would have been fine if one of your God-damn soldiers hadn't stop me."

"You wouldn't have even lasted ten minutes if we weren't there."

"Is that a challenge?" I growled.

"He's right, sis." Came a small voice from beside me. I froze as my temper dropped. Eddie was playing the blood sister card. Shit. I turned to look at her. "Starscream will probably attack you again and this time you might not make it or be the only one hurt." It was true, I had Eddie with me now and she's not as fit as I am. She might get hurt in the cross fire. I can't risk leaving her alone, either and she fucking knows it. On top of that, the whole reason Eddie was here was because I said I'd interact with them. Damn. "Being around the Autobots gives us a better chance." Plus I'm not giving up the chance to be near them, was her unspoken addition.

"What about school and my job and the rent? We won't be able to take care of any of that from some military base." I tried to look for a way out.

The next voice to speak up startled me. It was that Lennox guy. Was he here this whole time? "Well you're in the protective custody of N.E.S.T. your rent will be paid for by the government and your school work brought to you." In other words; homeschooled.

"What about my job?"

"Your place of employment was one of the buildings destroyed in the last two battles."

"Fuck!" I turned to Eddie. She was giving me the puppy eyes... Damn.

"Damnit, fine!" I threw my hands up in exasperation. "Only until Starscream stops trying to kill me." I looked her straight in the eyes to show that this was non-negotiable. She shouted a "Yay!" as she leapt for joy. I then turned to Lennox. "You'll have no reason to keep us then." He gave me a look that said he clearly didn't believe that would happen but agreed.

What the hell have I gotten myself into.

"Now hold on, you can't be serious! These two could very well be spies! Pretenders! They can't be trusted. They won't even share all their information with us." The black one -Iron...something- practically shouted. He had a point, we did seem spyish and after the Soundwave thing we agreed not to share everything. For me it was because I didn't care about their war and I didn't want to be anymore of a target then I already was. Eddie didn't want any blood on her hands.

"W-we already t-told you why we don't want to..." Eddie trailed off, the sadness clear in her voice. "Anything we say could lead to someone's d-death and it would b-be our faults..."

"If we start sharing information we'll be treated like items of power for your stupid war. That would make us even bigger targets then we already are. Not gonna happen." I wanted nothing to do with this.

He didn't have anything to add to the whole information thing though he still seemed rather pissed. "How do we know you're not pretenders."

"What's a pretender?" Does it mean crazy? 'Cause I can't deny that...

"A pretender is a Cybertronian with the ability to imitate the native life, appearing in organic forms. It can allow them to slip in under the radar and work as spies." Eddie explained. I felt another weird tingly chill.

"Um..."

She sighed. "The tongue chick that attacked Sam at college." After my rather dumb sounding "Oh~." she turned back to Ratchet. "Didn't you already scan us? Can't you tell from that?" Ok, she lost me again. I'll ask her about that later.

Ratchet was still for a second before answering. "Yes...According to my scans, you two are human..." He declared, then mumbled something I couldn't hear.

Placing a hand to my heart and breathing a huge sigh of relief with the expression worthy of an Oscar, I said "Oh good, because my whole life I was afraid I was a chinchilla." Trololol...


	8. Chapter 8 No More Shuffle?

_**First off: I'm sorry! I'msorryimsorryimsorryimsorry! I'm sorry this is so late and a little short. Vacation + no internet = no muse. Blah, would make it longer, but if I didn't post this **_**someone**_** would probably have killed me...**_

"Please?"

_**Shut it, you!**_

* * *

Alright, so here's what happened: After some more arguing and blah blah blah everyone all agreed that we'd be staying with the Autobots and N.E.S.T. until Starscream stopped attacking me and we were sent to bed. They were very skeptical, thinking that that would never happen, but I knew it would. Otherwise that bitch wouldn't have anyone madly in love with me for no damn reason. Gag. Anyway, since N.E.S.T. came to Canada on reported Decepticon sightings and since the Decepticon's haven't left, we're still in that air base near Toronto.

This morning I woke up in a strange military issued bed with Eddie still sleeping beside me. They only had one bed left but that was fine by us -beats sleeping in a chair in some interrogation room-. We've slept in the same bed before. In fact, it's quite often that we sleep together. Not like that, you moron! Now get your mind out of the gutter before I hit you.

Eddie started to stir.

"Good morning bed head." I greeted when she opened her eyes.

She sat up with a "Huh?", her messy red her covering half her face. She gave a big yawn and a stretch before greeting me back. "Goo'mornin' Whitey..." Whitey? Oh right, my hair... Eddie lazily rubbed at her eyes before looking around the room. Quiet cute. "Where are we?"

I felt like a parent telling their kid it's Christmas morning. "In the barracks, remember? Autobots? N.E.S.T.? Bitch with a magic computer?" And like a child on Christmas morning she visibly lit up with joy and squealed. My poor ears...

"Ohmygod ohmygod." Eddie squealed, now fully awake and jumping on the bed. How could she be jumping on such a small bed with another person on it? I'll give you a clue, I was now on the floor. "Oww..." I whimpered as the burn on my back decided to through a bitch-fit with my ribs. Something tells me getting tossed off the bed was not a part of the medic's 'take it easy' orders. "Getupgetupgetup!" Eddie shouted, pulling me up by my good arm. Yep. Sooo like Christmas morning.

I heard a knock on the door as Eddie ran off the bed to find clothes. "Is everything alright in there?" Came the male voice of our 'guard'. That's right, we have to have someone with us at all times. They say it's for our protection but we all know it's to keep us from getting into places we shouldn't be in and keep an eye on us. Probably taking notes on our behavior to see if we give out any more info at the same time. This guy (prison guard) was assigned to watch our door for the night. Someone else would escort (baby sit) us for the day.

"We're alright. Just fell off the bed is all." I groaned loud enough for him to hear me. Eddie was already dressed -don't ask me how- and dragging me towards the door shouting "Hurryuphurryuphurryup!"

* * *

After we were dressed, fed, and I got some painkillers from the medics (mmm, painkillers), we were off to the Autobot hanger, dragging along the poor soul who got stuck with us. Eddie had somehow suppressed her fangirl yesterday and was now ready to blow. I could just see the excitement and questions ready to burst from her small form as she dragged me by my good arm. Even with the sunglasses on, no one could miss her expression. However, despite her determination to get to the Autobot hanger, I had us stop when a man with brown hair and eyes caught my eye. I pointed him out to Eddie and we both changed our course of direction to straight for the guy. "Oi, Washington!" I shouted, waving my bandaged -and now sling-less- arm at him.

He paled a bit before greeting us. "H-hey ladies." He turned to Eddie. "Edna, I see you're still in existence." She gave him a cheerful "Yep!" before he turned to me. "And actually look like a girl today, Miss... um... I'm sorry, I was never told your name. We were just given a picture and told to look out for you."

"Really? Huh, that's weird. I-" I started but was cut off by our escort, who had only now just caught up to us.

"Don't... just... run off... like that..." He muttered in between huffs. Where we really that fast, or was this guy just out of shape? "Hey, D.C." He greeted after catching his breath and wiping back his moppy, squid-like black hair. You'd think, being in the military, he'd have that cut short... I'm calling him Squid!

"D.C.?" Eddie and and I both voiced our confusion.

He absently rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "Yeah...my name is Dale Collard Washington, so..."

"Oh I get, Washington D.C. Haha! Now that's a name." His parents probably did that on purpose. "Though I really shouldn't be talking. So, whatch'ya been doing for the past few days?"

"Oh, you know." He waved his hand nonchalantly. "Getting debriefed, giving my report followed by getting my sanity checked, mildly panicking over two strange girls who have highly classified and unknown information, staring at the sky knowing I might be being watched by an alien pervert, getting scared for life after the major orders me to find out what tentacle hentai is and then having to explain it to him. Very awkward. All in all... I've busy." He gave the slightest bit of a glare.

I made a show of my sympathy. "Ugh. Sanity tests. I hate those! I always have to study normal-boring people for **hours** just to pass." Worst way to waste time ever!

"Ha!" Washington barked a laugh. "Sooo...why do you have egg in your hair?" He asked Squid.

Yeah... I may have skipped over the part where I started a food fight in the mess hall at breakfast... "Squid here was stuck with me and Edds behind a table while Edds sniped with grapes and I went mad throwing eggs from a catapult. Best food fight yet. They still don't know who started it... And Squid is not gonna tell, ri~ight?" Squid visibly twitched. Violently.

"Squid?" Washington snorted, trying with all his strength not to laugh while Squidsy glared at him.

Eddie decided to explain the nickname in the only way she knows how. "I shall call him Squidsy and he shall be mine. And he will be my Squidsy!" The twitch became more prominent when Eddie glomped him.

After a small laugh, Wash turned to me. "So where are you two headed?" He asked, amusement clear in his voice.

"Autobot hanger." I answered, now standing beside him. "For our 'protection' and the possibility of us saying something important, we will be hanging out with the 'bots."

Before he could reply, Eddie let out a happy squeal from her position on top of Squid's back. "Oh, right! The Autobots!" Another squeal. "Let'sgolet'sgolet'sgo!" She jumped off of Squid and with speed that shouldn't be possible, she took off with "vroooom" in speeds that no teenager should be capable of, dragging Washington with her. I swear there was a dust cloud coming from her feet.

Turning to the undescribable face of Squid, I grinned madly. "Well, you heard the girl; 'vroooom'!" Before he could finish that groan, I grabbed his wrist and ran after Eddie with a vroooom!

* * *

I leaned back and relaxed against the wall of the hanger, watching Eddie go nuts before me. She was literally all over the 'bots. One second she was on... wait, I know this... Ratchet! One second she was on Ratchet's head and the next she was on Optimus Prime's shoulder (don't ask me how), then hanging off of Iron-something's canon. All the while asking random questions that I don't even understand half of the terms used. Really, quite a sight. The reactions to her questions are hilarious! I swear **all** of them tripped or stumble or choked when she asked something about interfacing or whatever she called it. No idea what that is but it gets a good reaction.

Washington was standing to my left, watching the show with great fascination. "How does she do that?" He whispered to me.

I shrugged. "Power of a fangirl, dear Wash. Never underestimate it. It defies all logic and common sense." I'm no stranger to the power of a fangirl. It's the memes you have to look out for.

"That's scary."

"Indeed." At that voice, I almost jumped. Almost.

_She jumped._

Shut up! Wash and I turned around to find Ratchet had somehow escaped the grasp of the fangirl and pulled a ninja, sneaking up behind us.

"Dude! How the hell did you pull a ninja on me?!"

He stared at me for a second, eyes dimming before answering. "I have my ways." Creepy. "I was hoping you could answer a few questions of my own."

Leaning back, I sighed and closed my eyes. "I knew this was coming. Shoot."

"Well for starters, it's about your age." Huh?

I opened my eyes, arching an eyebrow in suspicion. "I'm eighteen. What about it?"

"Yes, according to my scans, that is your physical age. However-"

"Wait a sec, what's a scan?" I hear that word used yesterday, but I forgot to ask Eddie about it.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know!" Same the voice of Eddie, now standing beside me. If I wasn't used to Eddie doing that, I would have jumped sky-high. Like Washington just did.

Eddie sucked in a breath as if to start a long explanation that would probably leave me lost. So I interrupted her before she could start. "Wait, wait, wait! Use dumb words so I can understand you!"

She gave a huge sigh and deflated. "Basically he can scan your body -like you can scan a picture to the computer- to find out information. Ratchet, it be easier if you just showed her." She pulled me up from my comfortable position on the ground and had me facing Ratchet.

"Alright" Ratchet pressed two fingers to the side of his helm. A bright green light came from his eyes, going through me and giving me that strange tingly feeling I felt yesterday. My eyes widen. From that explanation, I could only think of one thing and I felt violated.

"PERVERT!" I shouted pointing at Ratchet then covering my chest with my hands.

Ratchet looked shocked. "No-no! I merely receive information regarding your vitals-"

"VITALS PERVERT!" I shouted again, summoning a fish and throwing it at him. Hey, fish count as a weapon too. I'm getting better at that. Eddie face-palmed.

Ratchet gave a frustrated sigh and rolled his eyes. A gesture which surprisingly suits the alien. "Regardless, you age does not add up. Neither of your ages add up."

That caught my attention. "Watchya mean 'doesn't add up'? It's 2012! I was born 1994! Do the math!"

He stiffened. "Miss, it's the year 2010, not 2012."

...

...

My eyes narrowed. "Watchya talking about Ratchet?"

"OHMYGOD!" Eddie shouted from beside me. "We went back in time!"

How's that- wait a second. Bitch said we where being sent to sometime in between the second and third movie... The third movie aired in 2011...the second in 2009... My eyes widened. "Oh my fucking- Eddie quick! YouTube!"

"On it!" She ran towards the computer set at the end of the hanger (don't know why it's there) and kicked guy off it. Frantically, Eddie searched the internet. As suddenly as she got there, Eddie turned to me with a face of pure horror, clenching the sides of her head. "There's no Party Rock Anthem!"

No. NO. "NOOOOOOOOOO!"


End file.
